What has happened to me? Have I stopped thinking or have I suddenly run out of Ideas? I don’t think of writing anymore. It feels as if I have better things to do. Life is big and writing doesn’t seem to fill the empty spaces.
Is my motivation lost?
All enthusiasm gone?
Was my excitement an illusion?
Is it because I’ve lost my direction? Or have I lost my brain? What has suddenly got into me?
Its funny…’coz I don’t have a clue. I usually write my post on wednesdays. This gives me time for a second post and keeps me writing. Supposedly, this week, the formula didn’t work. It failed.
Throughout the week I kept procrastinating. I delayed; and delayed; and delayed. Finally, I lost. Its hard to motivate thyself when thy lose focus and have million things around to titillate.
And it sucks!
A lot of maniacs like you and me, engage in such egregious crimes. It no big deal! Everyone does it. We all lose focus. We all lose ourselves.
My playstation had been waiting for my attention since eternity. All these days that I was busy writing, it was crying. It sobbed in that dark corner of my room. Alone. It craved my attention. I had never seen such pain before. The fact that it was happening to my PS didn’t help either. I had to do something.
I gave in. I played. Day in and Day out, I hammered. The controller nearly broke off. Nothing else mattered. It was like sex. And orgasm? CRAZY! I had not done this in a long time. The sad part is – everything good..ends, and it ends quick! (A week on the PS for an addict like me? Believe me it is quick.)
Today, my fantasy has ended and I find myself in guilt. I hate what I did. If only god had given me some brain, I would have instead wrote and built my skills. Rather I played like a maniac. I am so crazy! God is so crazy! He could have stopped me from commiting such a sin but he didn’t. He is evil! He sucks…Everything around me sucks!
So, this was my story for the week and I know its all bull-fucking-shit but let’s talk some sense now.
My point is that all of us feel guilty in our lives when we don’t work on our goals. We deviate from our path and then sulk about it forever. Commit sins and cry. In my case, I felt it after gaming for a week and doing nothing at all. You feel after same in something else.
But…Let me tell you one thing sir…
Its perfectly fine!
Till the time you have a goal and are serious about it, you will find your path. I didn’t write my post on wednesday but it was not because I was gaming. It was because I was short of ideas. I didn’t know what to write upon. The path was unclear and I got distracted.
Now, if you see carefully, you will observe that what you are reading was my goal and I have achieved it. If you cogitate even more, you will find that my GTA experience is what I’ve written about.
Life is like this, its the journey that matters destinations don’t count. I travelled for a week and found the destination in my guilt.
Be a traveller, Never a tourist!